Controversial Carpool Stories That Divided The Internet

From Redditor u/YourLiess:

I (27F) live with my boyfriend’s mom. It is not ideal. My boyfriend died in August a year ago. We share a 6-year-old daughter. I live with his mom so she helps with my daughter.

She took a week-long trip to Europe. A nosy neighbor texted her asking if she was gone. This made her ask me if I had anyone at the house.

My friend (27M) and I attended a mutual friend's birthday dinner. We agreed to carpool to save gas and avoid a 45-minute drive to the city. He came over. I told him to park in the driveway. His car stayed on the street. We used my car because I had a full tank of gas. My daughter rode with us.

My boyfriend’s mom claimed having him over was disrespectful. She felt outsiders perceived it badly, even though he never entered the house. He exited his car, we got into my car, and drove away in two minutes. She also said his driving into the driveway was disrespectful; she thought my boyfriend would be turning over in his grave. I cannot understand why carpooling with someone was seen as disrespectful.

Please help me understand. Thank you.

From Redditor u/CarpoolConundrum:

School starts next week. Our 14-year-old enters high school. Our 10 and 7-year-olds stay in elementary school. Elementary starts at 8:45. Middle school starts at 9:30. High school starts at 7:30. We must wake up earlier. This is the situation.

Last year, I carpooled with another mom. We swapped taking our kids to elementary school. On her days, I only left home for my oldest's school time. Now, I must get up earlier for him. Since the elementary and high schools are closer to our house than to each other, leaving with all the kids at once makes sense. The carpool no longer works for me logistically.

I told the other mom last month the carpool would not work this year. She became unhappy and pushed back, arguing against the carpool. She asked who would drive the kids if someone got sick. I said my husband. She argued with me, but I stopped responding. I thought that was the end.

Yesterday, she texted me saying she could not make other plans, so the carpool must continue for the first few school weeks. I got annoyed and told her no. I was rude; I offered no pleasantries. I just texted no. She is upset, and I believe she is badmouthing me to all our other mom friends. My husband even told me a friend of his, who is married to one of my friends, asked him if I was okay, so I know she is saying things behind my back.

I want to defend myself to our friends, but I fear I am the jerk. Am I forced to keep the carpool when it is inconvenient for me? If I tell my side, will I look worse? I had my fourth baby last year and left work temporarily. They all think I am lazy and do nothing all day. I think I should not have to do the carpool, but is that selfish?

From aformer Redditor:

AITA for not wanting to carpool anymore?

About seven months ago, I started working at a company and met a teammate who lives on my route. This takes me forty-five minutes without traffic. We began carpooling; I would be at her house near seven a.m. However, she was usually still asleep by the time I arrived. Because I did not like being late for work, I started calling her fifteen minutes earlier so she would get ready. Still, she would be late. She paid me an agreed amount at the start of each month.

That did not bother me until she started working with another coworker she liked "for fun," even though he clearly had feelings for her. She would not always tell me when she would ride with me, forcing me to call her every morning, which I disliked. She was not ready on my days, but I caught her ready early when she had to ride with him (he starts work at nine a.m. while I start at eight a.m.), which I really disliked. This started bothering me.

To add to the story, the man had an accident and needed to fix his car, so she needed a ride. She did not tell me this, masking it with a small hint, "I missed you, I think I will be coming with you now," which upset me the most.

After that happened, I stopped the carpool. I told her I did not want it to ruin our friendship. She replied, "What you did is really shitty and I don't want to be friends with you anymore." I answered, "Yeah, okay, whatever you want."

I do not know how she sees the whole situation, but I cannot see how she would make me look like a bad friend... because that is what she told our coworkers.

Please give me some insight. I feel wronged because I feel like I am the one who was treated badly.

From Redditor u/Pleasant-Cap-536:

I carpooled with Beth to work every weekday for two months. We took turns driving. I considered us work friends; we shared lunch breaks but did not socialize outside of work.

Last week, I took a day off. This situation became public at work. My job uses shifts, and the app posts schedules so we can swap days if needed. Beth knew about this too, but I only mentioned it casually, like, "I got Disneyland tickets Friday," not directly, "I can't drive you to work Friday because I'm going."

I thought Beth knew we wouldn't carpool because she took a day off three weeks prior. She did not say anything directly, but I went to work alone, and she offered no comment.

My boss called me into her office after my trip. She asked about Beth and my absence. Apparently, Beth did not show up for work. A no-call/no-show is serious at work and can lead to firing. Beth blamed me, saying I bailed on her and she lacked a ride. I explained we carpool, but I used an official day off. Beth sees the schedule weekly, even if I did not tell her directly; she knew about my day off because we discussed my trip plans the day before I left.

Beth is facing trouble at work now. She tells everyone I am the asshole for getting her in trouble. I feel bad. I did not say, "I cannot drive you," but it seemed obvious, and she did the same thing to me before, and I got to work fine. I am unsure if I should apologize because it is causing coworker drama.

From Redditor u/Hot_Mission2164:

My coworker (30s F) and I (20s F) have carpooled for almost two months. It is getting harder and harder to go with her.

We are both elementary teachers. She calls her kids awful names, like b*tches, snitches, and f*ckers. Seeing this makes me uncomfortable since they are small kids, and she damages their reputation with other teachers. When I tell her to stop, she defends herself, claiming those kids are genuinely awful (which is untrue—I have taught them before; they just need the right environment).

I work out to lose winter weight. I was always skinny but slightly overweight. She asked how I was doing. I told her things were going well; I see I am gaining muscle and seeing a physical change. She then said I look the same and that it only counts if you see it in clothes (I wear baggy clothes, so she could not tell anyway). Still, that was a big hit.

She always makes snarky comments about my class, calling students slow or saying she is relieved she lacks my class. She also tells me I need to improve or constantly argues with what I say. This is tiring. Carpooling with her drains my mind. The drive takes only fifteen minutes, but I use that time to rest or get ready for class.

What should I do if I stop carpooling? I am done with the negative comments that put me in a worse mood.

From aformer Redditor:

A colleague I don't know well lives near me. We work in different departments, but I am transferring to a floor with hers.

Future colleagues in my new department might be nosy. They will likely suggest I offer to drive this girl to and from work since she lacks transport and uses GRAB/UBER heavily. She hasn't asked, but I am preparing for it.

I have several reasons why I do not want to.

Overall, I am not reliable enough for consistent transport. Also, she is not someone I am close to enough to make such sacrifices for. I would lose my freedom to make random decisions if I had to consider her too.

I feel like an idiot. I have a car, yet thinking about driving her to work or home causes me stress. I will look like the bad guy because people will say, "OMG you're so selfish! You live nearby, why can't you take her?"

What should I do if I don't? I will gladly take criticism and feedback; thank you.

From Redditor u/Wizdumb13_:

I started at the same job as my brother four years ago. When we got similar shifts, he suggested I drive him to work (he does not drive). He paid me half of what he spent on Uber, with the condition that he would use the other half he saved for his driving lessons.

Four years later, I work his 6 am shift and get texts asking me to give him a ride. I told him no. I disliked adding extra time and getting up early. Frankly, he wastes the money he saves. I said no; it was not worth it. Only a full Uber trip would make it worth it, but I still do not want to.

I started getting messages about how he asked all his other friends, and they said they would never charge a friend for a favor. I explained a favor isn't four years long, and he never got his license like he claimed. I got more texts about favors for friends and that we shouldn't charge people, but he gives me money for it, so it's fine. I asked if he values favors so much, why did I have to pay him two years ago when I moved? Eventually, I just said no, booked an Uber, and left.

Should I refuse a ride without payment, even from family, or am I wrong to expect compensation?

Picking him up adds about fifteen minutes to my work time and fifteen minutes to my drive home; I live near work.

From aRedditor:

My roommate suggested carpooling to work and bars. I thought it was a good idea and mentioned the money he would save. When I said "we," he just laughed.

I have driven all the time since then, except one time. After I found out about the promotion, he pushed for us to go out and I could pick the spot. I planned a quiet night since it was Tuesday, but he changed my mind. At the parking lot, he said I chose the place, so I should drive, which seemed fair. Next week, we went to a place he picked, and I drove because he "left his keys." A week later, I mentioned the trend was making me not want to go out with him. He said a 50/50 split doesn't help him since he drives a truck, but he agreed to driving one out of every three times. I agreed, but I stated that since I gave him many rides (we went to lunch often at work where I always drove), we should do 50/50 for October. He agreed.

Yesterday, I stopped avoiding him, and we left around the same time; he suggested a carpool. I said yes, expecting him to drive, but I drove again. Last night, we planned to go to a new bar with a friend, and he suggested carpooling again. I insisted only if he drives. He pushed for me to drive because he did not know the place, but I said neither did I. He claimed my car blends in better than his truck. When I did not budge, he suggested an Uber, which I declined. I stated I was driving, and he said he would tag along. I told him firmly that if I drive, he will not be in my car. He said he would bring me a beer, but I held firm on the rule. It is only a one-dollar beer night. I stopped talking to him, and he assumed it was settled, trying to join me an hour later as I left.

I held my position and left without him, but we argued about the beer, suggesting I should take him if I was going anyway. I brought up all the other times I gave him rides and asked him to see my side and my point. He flatly denied seeing my point; I left. Before I went, I tried one last time, even offering a ride if he could see my side and why I wanted him to drive. He said no again, and I left. Now he will not speak to me.

AITA? I know it's a stupid hill to die on, but I feel he is taking advantage of me. I prefer driving, yet I dislike when someone assumes I will drive them, even leaving their keys at home.

From Redditor u/TheLittleStinkster:

My coworker Jack (23M) and I (22M) live close, about two blocks apart, and work the same hours; his house is right on my commute route. Carpooling was obvious. Jack used public transit; I got stuck in QEW traffic, so using the HOV cut my commute in half. It worked for both of us.

Jack smells terrible. It is not just sweat; it is like rotting onions. At work, I can handle it, but sitting in the car for forty minutes daily is awful. The smell stays long after he leaves, so my car always smells bad. After two weeks commuting together, I had enough.

I told Jack honestly about the odor, saying the body smell was unpleasant and I did not want to carpool. He got angry, claiming it was unfair for me to change his commute and make him pay for transit. My girlfriend advised me to ask him to shower first. However, office complaints happened before, and he did not change. I assumed there was no point. I feel terrible; am I the asshole?

From a former Redditor:

An ex-friend still carpools with me and another friend, and she still expects us to pick her up. She cut me off after ignoring me for weeks without explanation. We still pick her up for school, but I am considering cutting ties completely. The only reasons I have not already are:

I am probably too kind; I feel pity for her, so I have done nothing. If I do this, am I the asshole?

From Redditor u/mdevietro:

I live forty-eight miles from work; the drive takes ninety minutes each way. I used public transit, but after losing my catalytic converters twice a year, I now drive.

I started carpooling with a coworker who lives very close. The carpool logistics work well. Neither of us is late; we alternate driving days, and everything is fine.

BUT I hate it. They play bad music. They rant about how they are a gift to the company and how they saved the day every day.

I plan to stop carpooling with them for vacation. I like my alone time. I feel like an asshole because there is no good reason not to carpool. I would harm their finances and add traffic and emissions just because I find them annoying.

From Redditor u/throwaway_carride:

My friend (24M) and I live two hours from home. We usually carpool when we both return (about once a month). His turn to drive is in three days. Today, I told him I planned to drive separately since we are visiting families for two weeks. I wanted my car for those two weeks.

He said this decision hurt him. He assumed we would go back together and looked forward to spending two hours in the car with me. He claimed I was ditching him. I thought he was joking. I live with him and see him daily; we joke often. I asked if he was kidding. He replied, "What if I wasn't?" I still did not know if he was joking.

I told him he was not serious. He kept asking, "What if I wasn't joking? What would your response be?". I said driving separately was not a big deal. He claimed I disrespected his feelings. I offered to drive him back, and he could drive the next two times. He refused my offer. I also offered to call him while driving (we both have Bluetooth), but he did not seem open to that idea.

AITA for thinking driving separately is not a big deal? I kept saying it was not a big deal that we aren't carpooling, even after he said he felt hurt. Should I apologize for disrespecting his feelings?

From Redditor u/Worldly_Employer:

About a year ago, I started a new job forty miles from my home. This job is amazing despite the distance. I knew two former coworkers struggled to find work, lacking licenses or cars. I offered to get them hired and drive them if they paid for my gas. This added fifteen miles and forty minutes to my daily commute for pickups and drop-offs.

My car broke down, so I bought an electric vehicle. My work location has free charging points, so electricity costs me nothing to drive to work. I still feel I deserve payment for taking both of them to and from work daily. Charging them costs less than them buying cars. I set the rate at $30 a week from each; I will not change that price because I feel it is fair for my time.

Coworkers are furious. They accuse me of changing the agreement from gas money to profit.

I told both people I stand firm. I offered them free rides for three weeks. This gives them time to find a new work setup, get licenses, or find a new job. I spoke politely but directly.

Redditor u/dance2theplasticbeat:

A coworker, who has severe OCD, is very controlling about time. My car broke down. I asked him for a ride the next day to work because the distance made Uber too expensive. He agreed. Meet me at 7:36 am outside. I said okay.

The next day, I went outside at 7:36 am. He was gone. I called him. He said he left 36 seconds ago. He was upset I was late. He wanted to teach me responsibility. He returned and picked me up, but scolded me for wasting time and charged me more for the extra driving.

I was technically 36 seconds late. He is a very time-focused person, so I see myself as the bad guy.

Redditor u/BoringPassion6633:

My husband (29M) and I (28F) work near each other, close enough to walk. We carpooled for years; it was fun and better for the planet. Now, I have a baby, and we live with his family while I return to work from leave. Later, my husband said he wants us to drive separately, keeping five to ten minutes between us leaving. He fears a car crash might leave our baby without parents. He wants us separate so someone stays alive for the baby.

I get that, but I don't like driving. I want to carpool back. I tried this setup for a month, but it fails for me. I told my husband, but he stays firm. Every talk yields no progress. I am not sure if wanting to carpool makes sense or not.

Redditor u/Acrobatic-Freedom316:

I feel I should mention I am male. This situation involves me and three others: Joe, Sandra, and Amy.

I am good friends with Joe; we have been friends since childhood. I know Sandra through Joe, and the three of us hang out often.

Last week, Sandra invited her friend Amy to hang out. Amy and Sandra are good friends; she has met Joe before. I met her then. We saw a movie, then went bowling.

After everything ended, Sandra asked if I could drive Amy home. I said, "Yeah, no problem." I drive everyone home because I am the only one who drives.

I live far north, an hour from them. They live close together. Dropping Joe off first, then Sandra, then Amy, and then continuing home made sense from our spots. We did not plan the route beforehand; I dropped Joe off first, then headed toward Sandra's.

I saw Amy and Sandra texting and whispering. I thought they talked about me, but Sandra showed me I took a wrong turn, and Amy's house was the other way. I said dropping Sandra off first, then Amy, made more sense.

Only then did Amy say she did not want to ride in the car alone with me. Her reason was that I am a man, and she suggested being alone in a car with a man she does not know well is unsafe.

She asked me to drop her off next. Then, I had to drive ten minutes back, the opposite way from my house, to drop Sandra. Next, another ten minutes, the same route I just took to get home, passing Amy's house again, to reach home. My drive home already takes an hour from town. I refused. Adding twenty minutes to my sixty-minute drive was too much. They pressured and guilted me, but I kept saying no. The car ride felt awkward; they would not stop.

Amy got out at Sandra's house. She slammed the door hard, which annoyed me. I drove straight home after that.

Joe called the next day and heard the story. He thought I should have done it, but I feel their request was unfair. I will not go out of my way for someone who thinks I am some kind of abuser. I am just seeking opinions on whether I was the asshole.