The Internet Weighs In On 12 Dinner Party Dilemmas

From Redditor u/purplegreencarrot:

I have been with my boyfriend, Ian (m32), for three years. We plan a small, early Christmas dinner. Ian's brother, Jake (m26), asked if he could bring his girlfriend, Naveah (f28), as she was alone (they have been together three months). We agreed; more people are better. Naveah seemed timid but lovely. Naveah brought her eight-year-old son, whom we did not know was coming.

She seemed lovely until she went to the bathroom. She came out shrieking, holding a box of my tampons. She was gasping for air between her screams. I barely understood her. My box of tampons was visible. It was within reach because I need it monthly. Why hide it and then search for it? She talked about being disgusting. She asked how I could be shameless with this in front of a child and other men.

I looked at her in disbelief. I could not believe she made a scene about a box of tampons. Has she never been to a store?

I told her my tampons stay put. If she was upset, she could leave and go home where there were no tampons. Her face turned red. She was puffing and huffing. She dressed her child and told Jake to drive her home. He did.

Jake did not return. He called from her house, telling Ian that I was an a**hole. I was surprised Ian, my boyfriend, agreed with him. I thought he would support me. We almost argued. I decided it was not worth it. I went to my office to cool down and think. Was I an a**hole for telling her to leave?

Reddit Verdict: Not the A-hole

From Redditor u/SallysSalon111:

Since I had my son months ago, my husband has started making indirect comments about my body. He avoids hurtful words but I find his "observations," which he calls them, hurtful. For instance, he would see me wearing an old top and say, "Oh, that top used to look good on you but not anymore though." He also looks at my waist and says, “Wow, didn't know your waist could get this wide!” I ignored this passive behavior until it reached friends and family. This continued for months and months and months!

We went to a Christmas party at his family's house. My sister-in-law complimented my floral maxi dress. My husband said, “I agree it looks nice on you... though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!” Silence fell. I became furious; this was the last straw. I stood up during dinner and yelled, “SHUT THE F*CK UP ABOUT MY BODDDYYY!!!!” He went speechless while his family watched. Some tried to calm me down, but the tension grew. Dinner ended early. My husband left for a friend's place, sending a harsh text saying I embarrassed him and made a scene over an "observation." He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of yelling at him and frightening his family.

Now I feel like a complete idiot and like I ruined Christmas for him and everyone with my oversensitivity. AITA??

Reddit Verdict: Not the A-hole

From Redditor u/Dinner101____:

My husband (Asian) and I (American) welcomed our first born four weeks ago. The baby is healthy (thank God), but I am exhausted. I haven't fixed my hair, I can barely shower, and I cannot sleep.

My husband's family pushed us to visit and meet the baby. I tried to delay them, but yesterday they stood on the porch. Hubby invited them for dinner. I felt embarrassed; I did not feel ready for guests. My husband sat with them while I fed our son. Later, I asked my husband if we should order takeout. He said no because his parents would find it rude. He suggested I make something in the kitchen, anything "homemade." I agreed and made Mac N' cheese. I made this meal because it is easy.

My husband's mom looked at me and was appalled when I served the family Mac N cheese. I saw something wrong. She asked if I really thought it was "appropriate" to serve her and the family Mac N cheese. I asked why not. She launched a rant about how disrespectful this was, claiming I lacked experience with hosting etiquette. I asked, "Excuse me? Who said I signed up to host an expected visit from them?" She took that as me not wanting them there. Her husband said they only came to see the baby I kept them from seeing for a whole month—a month they missed. We argued, and they left. My husband said serving his family Mac N cheese was worse than serving nothing. I told him I was too tired to cook their "traditional feasts," which I had to learn from his mom. He took offense, saying I was mean and disrespectful to his family and his culture. I went to my son's room. My husband talked to his family on the phone for an hour, then gave me the cold shoulder and wouldn't eat what I cooked to support his family.

I get that some guests find it offensive, especially his family. But I just wanted to make a quick homemade meal, like my husband wanted. What is wrong with Mac N cheese?

Reddit Verdict: Description of 'They Served Their In-Laws Mac N' Cheese' in the list 'The Internet Weighs In On 12 Dinner Party Dilemmas'Not the A-hole

From Redditor u/Cheap_Extension5015:

My husband and I recently moved back to his hometown and bought a house near his parents. So we decided to host his family for dinner.

I cooked several dishes, including French onion soup. The soup was a hit. His mom asked for a recipe, and I joked the secret ingredient was my tears (because of the onions). His mom stopped eating and stared at me. I tried to calm things down by explaining it was a joke, but she did not reply. After a few minutes, they stood up and left.

I knew she was strict about food origins, demanding organic and non-GMO. We shopped for groceries with her before dinner for reassurance. But I did not realize an obvious onion joke would upset her.

My husband tries to get her to talk to me, but she refuses. AITA?

Reddit Verdict: Description of 'Their Mother-In-Law Didn't Appreciate A Joke About Her Soup' in the list 'The Internet Weighs In On 12 Dinner Party Dilemmas'Not the A-hole

From Redditor u/ThrowRAhusband2:

I married my second husband, Mike, four years ago. He jokes constantly and likes to make jokes with my brother, Ethan, and his wife. Ethan tolerated it until he complained about Mike pushing it too far with his jokes.

Ethan and his wife adopted a boy, Joey, two years ago because they could not have children. Mike makes silly, lighthearted jokes involving Joey's biological parents to mess with Ethan and his wife. I spoke with Mike; he means no harm and just wanted them to react.

NYE arrived. My parents hosted a big dinner; Ethan and his wife arrived. While eating, Mike told Ethan a knock-knock joke. Mike said, "Knock knock." Ethan laughed, asked, "Who's there?" Mike answered, "Joey's bio parents," then laughed hard. Silence fell. Ethan’s face changed. His wife called Mike an "idiot." Mike just replied, "Hey...Relax, it was just a joke." An argument started; dinner stopped. My parents told Mike to leave, which felt too harsh. I tried talking to them to calm things down, but Mom insisted Mike leave. We left. Mike complained constantly about how they overreacted.

I called Mom later. She told me Mike crossed a line with his hurtful jokes on that sensitive topic. She said I was wrong defending him and saying he was joking. She stated he ruined NY for the family. I told her Dad and she ruined the NY celebration by escalating things and kicking him out. I told her Mike could talk to them, but they still ruined the celebration. She called me delusional for that and hung up.

We have not spoken to them for days. I tried reaching Ethan, but got no reply.

Reddit Verdict:You are the a-hole.

From Redditor u/Suspicious-Basil7882:

My brother Mark (35M) and I clash. As a teen, he watched a factory farming documentary and chose to become a vegetarian. He quickly became annoying about it. My dad shut him down when he tried to make the rest of us vegetarian. Then he went to college, made odd friends, and became militantly vegan. That is his whole personality. I stopped talking to him after he threw a fit about a birthday dinner at a steakhouse. He flooded my messages and social media with pictures of abused cows.

My parents tried to fix things. Mark seemed better, so I let him back in slowly. Then he started dating Pam, a vegan influencer. I don't know if Mark wanted to impress her. Last Thanksgiving, he pushed Mom to cook a vegetarian meal or they would not attend on "ethical grounds." Mom wanted everyone to get along for her holiday, so she agreed. The meal was not fun.

My parents downsized for retirement, and my mom has health issues. I bought their house after they moved, so my mom asked me to host Thanksgiving as usual. I told the group chat so Mark and Pam could plan travel. Pam immediately started sharing vegan replacement recipes. I asked for a main dish recipe they liked; I will try it, but I am making the traditional meal anyway, and there will still be plenty to eat. Mark and Pam argued with me for days. Then Mark said they would not come unless I made a meat-free meal. This upset my mom, who asked me to just make last year's meal to keep things calm. I told her Mark needs to stop acting like that; I am not coddling him. I am having turkey on Thanksgiving.

My dad agrees with me privately. Mark threatening not to come upsets my mom greatly; he worries it will harm her health. There is a small chance these could be the last family holidays she has with her. My mom thinks I prioritize my family over mine, and I am not sure anymore. AITA?

Reddit Verdict:Not the A-hole.

Froma former Redditor.:

I (30f) met my boyfriend (30m) three years ago. Before me, he was with his high school sweetheart. They broke up and lost love. A year later, we started dating. His mom remained heartbroken. I showed understanding; I thought she needed time to know me. The ex grew up with them; they saw her as family.

For the first year of our relationship, his mom called me the ex’s name. His boyfriend got angry once and told her to be nice. She laughed it off, saying it was just a habit. Afterward, she started calling me the wrong name (Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names). I corrected her a couple of times, but she seemed to enjoy hurting me, so I ignored it later.

My boyfriend has two sisters. A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, we were invited to a BBQ at the older sister’s house. I was in the kitchen with my boyfriend’s mom, the sisters, and one of their husbands. The older sister then mentioned how my boyfriend praised my cooking to her husband, and the mom listened. She then said aloud, “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?” The sisters giggled and looked at each other. I said, “That’s a great idea!” I did not tell my boyfriend what happened.

On Thanksgiving, we went to his mom’s house with wine and dessert. She was shocked; everyone was shocked. I asked, “What? I thought Janet was bringing the turkey!” Yelling and crying erupted, and then they kicked us out. My boyfriend is furious and has not spoken to me. I think it is over now. But I still do not think I did anything wrong! Did I?

Reddit Verdict:Not the A-hole.

From Redditor u/GraveYardSchift:

My big family is very close. We have big dinners every few months at my great-grandfather's estate. Women cook; men do not. I know this is sexist. I am one of the youngest, so my protests mean nothing.

Some women skip cooking. This gets them ostracized. Women who don't cook become long-term girlfriends. They already have a good family bond. When I see new partners not cook, things turn bad. They face complete ostracization, no talking, and rudeness.

This dinner is in two weeks. My girlfriend agreed to come. I want her to meet everyone and for people to get used to her. But when I explained the tradition, she became bothered.

I told her I understood. But everyone needs to play along. This is not permanent. I ask her to do this to avoid bad treatment from the family. This is her first impression. I do not think causing trouble is wise.

She said it is unacceptable. If she must do it, she will not go. I tried to find a compromise, but she refuses and is angry. She told me if I think it’s okay to make her do it, I am as bad as everyone else. My point is she needs a good first impression. AITA?

Reddit Verdict:You are the a-hole.

From Redditor u/Thunderbear998:

We had a family dinner tonight. My family has four kids: me, my older sister (29F), younger sister (24F), and youngest brother (22M).

Extended family came to our dinner. My older sister and youngest brother had a small fight. My sister appeared aggressive from frustration and losing the argument. They focused on their fight, not realizing others were getting fed up.

My sister got very annoyed and said, “Shut up, I’m not going to argue with a 22-year-old virgin.” My brother made no personal attacks until then; it was unprovoked. Alcohol might be the cause; my sister is a mean drunk.

I immediately told my sister to grow up and that she was embarrassing herself. She replied everyone knows he is a virgin and she said nothing wrong. This annoyed me because my brother lacks confidence and does not need this kind of teasing.

I told them she slept with over a hundred men in college. Everyone in the family knows this, so it's not a big deal, right? Her husband did not know this, which I genuinely assumed he must have known. He left the party angry, saying my sister misled him about her past.

Family blames me for their marriage issues. I refuse to accept I did anything wrong. My sister bullied my brother in front of everyone; I just gave her a taste of her own medicine.

Reddit Verdict:Everyone Sucks Here

From Redditor u/omom2122:

My husband's family drinks a lot. Every holiday has multiple bottles of wine or cocktails. I hate drinking; I never drink. My father was an alcoholic. You cannot have fun without drinking; I think that is childish.

I am hosting Christmas this year. Since it is at my house, no alcohol is allowed. We are all getting older; it is time to grow up.

My husband's sister called to ask what she could bring. She saw a recipe for a Christmas martini she wanted to share. I told her about my no-alcohol rule. She said little but must have told the rest of the family. Some started texting me, asking if I was serious and calling it lame. I will not change my mind.

Now my husband's sister is hosting an alternate party that almost everyone chooses instead. This is disrespectful because they must stay sober for one day.

My husband told me he spoke with his sister. We are invited to her gathering, and he said we should just go and stop causing issues. I will not; it is so rude.

My husband is angry because I made him stay home and spend Christmas with me. I chose to have no alcohol because it was my turn to host. They could have handled it for a year.

Reddit Verdict:You're The A-hole

From Redditor u/bigjellybelli:

I am a big fat guy; there is no way around it. I love to eat, which might border on addiction. I have some good friends, though I am the "harmless, funny token fat guy" in the otherwise good-looking group.

My friend hosted a UFC event last night, and I was invited. He got a six-foot party sub. I brought homemade wings, my specialty. People grabbed the food fast. I got only one serving of the sandwich, but people ate all my wings. An hour later, I was hungry. I watched the sandwich; three feet remained. I waited an hour, then another half hour. No one touched it, just chips and pretzels. I decided to eat half of what was left. The final half sat for fifteen minutes. No one spoke, so I ate the rest.

While I swallowed the last bite, the host's girlfriend asked where the sandwich was. Everyone pointed at me, like I did the deed. She got furious. She called me an incredible pig and said I was super selfish for eating three feet of a sandwich. I felt bad. I tried explaining I waited over an hour and thought people lost interest. I also tried explaining everyone ate my wings. She replied, "You brought them to share, Alan. If someone ate over half by themselves, that's not sharing, is it?"

I offered pizza or Subway. She called that a pathetic offer. The party sub came from a local shop her friends own. I apologized. The night felt tense after that.

This morning, I received texts from my twin sisters, the host's girlfriend's best friends. They told me to control myself. Everyone is mad at me. I embarrassed myself last night. I tried explaining my mindset, but they did not reply.

Was eating that much of the sandwich last night the asshole move?

Reddit Verdict:You're The A-hole (Though top comments also show people saying “Everyone Sucks Here”).

From Redditor u/dinnerthrowaway123:

My wife (29F) and I (29M) host dinner parties a few times yearly since we moved here. We cook elaborate multi-course meals. We invite only a few close friends because cooking such a complex dinner takes all day, and food costs add up fast. We invite four to six people, depending on who can come. This has become a tradition in our social circle.

Our friend James started dating Sarah about a year and a half ago. When we invited her, we learned Sarah was vegan. I thanked James for telling us. I said she could bring her own food. He agreed. They have attended our parties regularly for the last year. Everything was fine until now.

During our last dinner, we saw Sarah quiet, looking like she might cry. My wife asked what was wrong. Sarah told us not to worry and avoided the question. We did not push it.

After the meal, James spoke to us privately. He told us Sarah felt hurt. She felt we never offered her food options. She felt we were intentionally excluding her. He said we were rude and inconsiderate by not accommodating her. This angered me, and we had a big argument.

My wife feels bad because Sarah was upset. Sarah apologized to her and James a lot. I do not think we did anything wrong. I like Sarah. I have no issue with her diet. But expecting us to change the whole menu or make a separate meal for one person seems unfair. Much time and effort go into these dinners. No one else has dietary restrictions. AITA?

Reddit Verdict:You are the jerk.