22 Tweets From 'Dad Twitter' That Give Off Major Dad Energy

Daughter asked for the WIFI password.
Me told her to clean her room first.
Thirty minutes later.
Dad, I cleaned my room... what's the password?
It's... cleanyourroomfirst... lowercase... no spaces.

My daughter's lip was bleeding.

None of her sisters knew what happened.

They know the first rule of Fight Club.

I gave my son a drink. He worked on his laptop doing math. No talking, so I thought class ended.

I leaned down, kissed his head, and said, “I love you, bud. I'm proud of you.”

He stiffened up and yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I AM ON ZOOM!”

That is how I ruined fifth grade.

I taught my son to read. He asked me how to spell "momma." I did not know if my wife preferred "mama," so I stopped and said, "I don't know, I'll ask mom." Then we practiced DOG, CAT, and RUN. After each word, he asked if I was sure or if I wanted to check with my wife.

Me asked, why was our daughter crying?

Wife said, she will not go to bed unless we find her Elsa dress.

Me said, just tell her to let it go, haha.

Wife said:

Me said:

Wife said:

Me said, yeah, no, I'll go look for it.

I saw my wife and kids wearing vests. I put one on so I could say “vest day ever” many times. Then I took it off so I could mention I was not as invested as they were.

My daughters teased our dog. I made them watch Old Yeller, and now they cry and hug the dog.

My daughter asked me how to spell bourbon. She is either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.

My son asked to walk the dog tonight, the first time in two years. I went for a run with my other son and met him with a girl. Sneaky. Just keep your head down when we saw him, lol. Mr. Lova, Lova.

Wife: Pregnant for ten months, breastfeeds for twelve months, quit her job to stay home with our daughter.

Me pretended to go downstairs behind the couch.

Daughter said, Dada’s my best friend : )

I feel torn between being thrilled when the old “I’ll time you!” trick gets my four-year-old to clean his toys and feeling ashamed that he keeps falling for it.

Parenting is just one long anger management simulation.

At bedtime, I told my oldest, “I’m glad you’re my son,” then I hugged him goodnight.

Later, he came into my room and asked what I said. I still saw tears on his cheeks.

I told him I was glad he was my son.

With tears, he said, “that made me happy.”

My four-year-old daughter likes dragons, hyenas, and pirates.

My two-year-old son likes Hello Kitty, fluffy Unicorn pillows, and his sister’s old pink stroller car.

How do I feel about that? I buy my son Hello Kitty and my daughter cool Dragon art, so I say I am pretty good with it.

The good news is your little boy can go to the potty alone now. The bad news is you just stepped in piss.

My toddler asked if Santa ever has to pee. Like magic, an explanation for yellow snow was born.

Every time you turn a light off in an empty room, your dad score goes up by one.

I move the thermostat from 65° to 66° for a Saturday morning treat.

My son woke at 4:45 am and asked what time it was.

My son was born yesterday. He turns one year old in two weeks.

My son is terrified of cloudy things with a chance of meatballs.