25 Unhinged Disney Character Battle Arguments

Posted on Reddit by u/xbumblebee:

Stitch is basically indestructible. I pick him.

Monstrosity? What you see first is a new species. I call it Experiment 626. He is fireproof, bulletproof, and thinks faster than a supercomputer. He sees in the dark and lifts objects three thousand times his size. His only drive? Destroy everything he touches! Ha ha ha ha!

Stitch gets softer during the movie, but he stays strong.

Posted on Reddit by u/Werrf:

The final fight likely pits Darth Vader against Thor.

Posted on Reddit by u/kosmoceratops1138:

Disney features Polynesian, Greek, and Norse gods. You lie to yourselves if you think it won't involve them. I say this as a Star Wars diehard. Vader, Stitch, and the genie have limits.

Either a God or Gaston. No one is as manly.

Edit: Gaston's manliness only applies to the town. We need another measure. Gaston has tons of biceps. This means Gaston has enough biceps for anything. Fighting gods with endless strength means Gaston's biceps become infinite. Gaston always wins.

This implies the Disney universe shares the infinite biceps of Gaston. The entire universe is roughly smaller than a barge, being a fraction of Gaston's total size.

Edit 2: Consider the eggs. Gaston eats many eggs, as seen in various posts. This affects the poultry industry's economy. We showed simple logic proves Gaston's biceps beat needed biceps. Needed biceps equals God biceps. God biceps equals infinity. Thus, Gaston's biceps beat infinity. Gaston can generate infinite mass from eggs, converting them to energy at five dozen eggs daily. As Gaston grows, a massive object must grow with him.

Edit 3: We also know 'no one's quick as Gaston,' now without the town limit. This means his calves must keep him quicker than anyone else, even under the infinite bicep pressure.

Edit 4: Corrected the 'eggs eaten per day' factor.

Edit 5: Question: Are Gaston's biceps static or dynamic? Does he have extra biceps only for the current fight, or a fixed size based on the current strongest being? Even then, his biceps shift because the gods' powers change.

Gaston's biceps versus Maui's pecs. Discuss this.

Gaston is roughly the size of a barge. This means he sits within one standard deviation of the average mass of all barges in his universe. However, Gaston must be massively large depending on the situation and his bicep size. This suggests asteroid-sized barges float in space, skewing barge size. The thought involves eggs and Gaston's biceps. Thinking about that many eggs daily makes me mildly nauseous.

I haven't sworn once in my post. Here is an obligatory swear.

If every inch of Gaston has hair, he has a huge amount of skin-colored hair.

As u/G19Gen3 points out, no one fights like Gaston. Gaston is the best fighter; he sweeps.

Posted on Reddit by u/molten_dragon:

Genie from Aladdin. I cannot think of many other Disney characters with that power. Maybe Zeus from Hercules.

Posted on Reddit by u/AudibleNod:

Merlin

Look at Merlin's wizard's duel. He turned himself into a disease and multiplied. This is his opening move. He gives everyone ebola, pneumonia, MRSA, and the plague at once. He then turns you into an ant or something when you almost die. Then he stomps on you. The Genie might cause trouble, but Merlin can time travel. He just needs to go back to when the Genie is in the lamp and force him to kill for him.

Posted on Reddit by u/Campanicus:

I saw Mickey and the Beanstalk. I saw what Donald Duck can do when pushed hard and given an ax.

Goofy is the second top contender. He has a high pain threshold. He probably does not know what is happening, making him unpredictable and more dangerous.

Posted on Reddit by u/Rndomguytf:

Doctor Strange

Nobody in the Marvel universe can defeat Doctor Strange unless we include Thanos while possessing the infinity gauntlet...

Posted on Reddit by u/Dr_Doorknob:

Hercules because he is ripped.

He is also a demigod.

Posted on Reddit by u/YoBuckStopsHere:

My money is on Mulan.

Mulan has the numbers for death count.

Posted on Reddit by u/mkomaha:

Bring out my boy Ralph! He will wreck it! He is super strong. The battle could happen in his own game.

Posted on Reddit by u/Flaydowsk:

Nah son! E.V.A. is the winner.
Immune to disease, designed to survive an unhabitable planet and space, super-smart I.A., and a vaporizer cannon.
She flies. Her integrated scanner finds anyone, no matter if they are hidden.

This is how she counters most of Disney's more versatile contenders:

Merlin rejects the bacteria strategy. Without it, only Maleficent's monster or dragon shapes, or giants like Medusa, remain. E.V.A. moves fast enough to dodge. She stays tough against heat or physical blows. She vaporizes them. E.V.A.'s only option is escaping via time travel.

Chernaborg, Maleficent, Madame Mim: See my analysis on Merlin.

Stitch, Mr. Incredible: These fighters are stronger than most. They overpower shapeshifted Merlin/Maleficent, but they lack ranged attacks. E.V.A.'s laser vaporizes Stitch. Even if it takes time, without flight, she keeps distance.

Genie: Genie is tougher because he cannot kill. But is E.V.A. alive? If she destroys the lamp, the Genie dies, like Jafar. If that fails, she can escape to space.

Elsa, Triton, Zeus, Moana, Frozono: Weather users have the area-damage edge. Still, E.V.A. was built to survive space vacuum. She cannot beat the elements and can malfunction. If she hits the caster directly, she might win.

Mulan, Gaston, princes and princesses: Hahahaha.

Marvel/Star Wars characters: Kindly f*ck off.

I think this is rock-paper-scissors between E.V.A., Merlin, and the Genie.
E.V.A. beats/escapes Merlin. Merlin beats the Genie. The Genie beats/escapes E.V.A.

...Maybe Syndrome could stop E.V.A. If he hacks her before she kills him. But in a royal rumble, E.V.A. flies around, firing lasers that make everyone fall like flies before anyone can stop her.

Posted on Reddit by u/Futureofrobots:

Chip and mother f*cking Dale. They drove Donald Duck to madness more than once.

Posted on Reddit by u/SmokingThunder:

If all these powerful wizards, demons, and gods fight in one spot, it will cause a nuclear-like event. Nothing survives that level of combined power.

The winner is obvious. Hal, the Cockroach from WALL-E.

Posted on Reddit by u/Growlie19:

Gaston is fine, but did we forget the semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal? Perry the PlatypusPerry has a good shot. He possesses more than skill; he has a beaver tail and bill!

As long as no one has a Pin-You-Down-Inator!

Posted on Reddit by u/Dragonslayer35242:

Mickey Mouse. Period.

Can he fight? No. Does he have physical strength? No.

Then why?

He holds the keys to the Disney Universe. Think of all the lawyers, agents, and promoters who work for him. He is the Vince McMahon of Disney. He is the Original OG.

I am not saying a Disney Royal Rumble is scripted, but if Mickey were in the ring, he would not be shown losing.

Posted on Reddit by u/Micfra760:

As a huge Disney and WWE fan, this is my favorite question. I first thought Gaston. He has his own entrance music and walks outside to land and save himself. But Gaston slips often, which is bad for a Royal Rumble.

Next, I considered Hercules. He has entrance music and the look and muscle to succeed. However, he gets distracted by beautiful women and gets sucker-punched. He also gets thrown out as soon as a diva walks by.

I choose the man born to be a WWE superstar. He trained fighting leopards and gorillas. Gods carved his body. He spends time in trunks. Tarzan mirrors any sound perfectly. Tarzan throws the genie out the ring. He makes the bells ring DIng DIng DIng noise perfectly. The genie gets angry. Our champion is TARZAN.

Posted on Reddit by u/LogginWaffle:

Nobody has pitched Yen Sid. We have not seen his full powers, but he needs serious magic. He taught Mickey magic and looked like Walt Disney. If anyone can unravel the universe, it is him.

Posted on Reddit by u/pjabrony:

Mary Poppins. She is perfect in every way, including kicking.

Posted on Reddit by u/lalalalalalv:

Simba is strong, skilled, and has a whole lion tribe behind him. What is missing?

A Father.

Posted on Reddit by u/[deleted]

People forget what a Royal Rumble is. We do not fight to the death. A 20x20 ring and being thrown over the top rope with both feet on the floor means you are eliminated.

This universe has many people. We have Disney originals, Star Wars, and Marvel too.

To throw someone over a top rope, you need brute force or psychic (specifically psychokinetic) abilities.

How do you stop being thrown over a top rope? Fly. Kofi Kingston or John Morrison will not appear in this rumble because they are non-Disney characters.

I think we are looking at Marvel heroes who can fly, plus possibly Peter Pan/Tinkerbell, and Dumbo. I might skip some classic Disney characters, but I think I am okay. We ideally want the strong mix of flight plus super strength or telekinesis to throw others out. Thor comes to mind, so does Jean Grey and Psylocke.

Magicians like Dr. Strange can copy this. Merlin can too.

This is a hard choice. I bet on Tinkerbell. A) Vince McMahon books the Royal Rumble, and this person thinks small people winning matches is funny. B) She is a strong, yet tenacious little pixie.

Posted on Reddit by u/Ezra611:

Kronk. The man is indestructible, based on what we have seen.

Posted on Reddit by u/jred250:

Everyone forgets a Royal Rumble is not a death match. You must throw opponents over the top rope to remove them.

Genie gets eliminated if someone tosses him while he does a Rodney Dangerfield impression. If this follows Royal Rumble logic, major threats get eliminated unless they stay near the end.

I book the final four as WALL-E (for comedy), Gaston (top heel), Rey from Star Wars (top face), and the whale from Pinocchio (HOW WILL THEY GET HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE?).

The Whale and Gaston team up to toss WALL-E out. The crowd gets furious, but Rey pushes the whale over the top rope. Heels celebrate. Gaston and Rey remain as the final two; Gaston knocks out the ref.

The crowd loses it as eliminated villains enter the ring and surround Rey. Things look bad for our hero.

WHAT MUSIC?! Is that the Star Wars theme? Bah, it's Luke Skywalker! Skywalker 3:16 runs wild, clearing the ring until only Rey and Gaston remain. Rey tosses Gaston over and wins the Royal Rumble. Luke Skywalker raises Rey's hand while the crowd boos; it was Simba's year.

Posted on Reddit by u/dandaman64:

People forgot about Gaston. He had a song detailing his threat level; no one remembers:

He is as slick as Gaston.

He is as quick as Gaston.

He has a neck as thick as Gaston's.

He fights like Gaston.

He douses lights like Gaston.

He bites like Gaston in a wrestling match.

He is burly and brawny like Gaston.

He hits like Gaston.

He matches wits like Gaston.

He spits like Gaston in a spitting match.

Other important things to remember:

No one in town is half as manly.

He is an intimidating specimen.

He has biceps to spare.

Not a bit of him is scraggly or scrawny.

Every inch of him is covered with hair.

He is especially good at expectorating.

He eats five dozen eggs (formerly four dozen) to grow to the size of a barge.

He uses antlers in all his decorating (so Bambi is already screwed).

Posted on Reddit u/ImNotEvenReal:

Grumpy from Snow White deserves credit. People give him too little. We have only seen him angry at small things. Imagine him in an environment where his personality shows. Grumpy taming the beast and using their power creates an unstoppable force.

Posted on Reddit by u/Aureliuspipa:

Prince Charming. Every overpowered hero and anti-hero kills each other, but Mr. Charming swoops in last, chops a tired head, and is crowned victor.