Medical Pros Share Bizarre Patient Encounters

From Redditor /u/Gregorian_R*nts:

My aunt is a family doctor. Patients come to her with symptoms, and she sends them to a specialist based on her diagnosis. One day, an elderly husband and wife visited. The wife said, 'His foot has been smelling for a while, and I finally convinced him to get it looked at.'

My aunt agreed his foot stank, not just smelled. She told him to take off his shoe and sock. When he removed the sock, the bone from his big toe fell out onto the ground. Gangrene had eaten away the flesh of his toe. He knew something was wrong, but he was stubborn and delayed getting it checked. My big toe hurts now after I type this.

From Redditor /u/Raincoats_George:

A female patient went to the emergency department with bad vaginal pain. The patient told the nurse she wanted an IUD to prevent pregnancy but could not afford it. She did the next best thing. She put superglue into her [lady parts] to try and seal her cervix. This caused a lot of irritation.

From Redditor /u/Nitrous737:

I was a med tech in the ER. A male patient, about 75, arrived with extremely low blood pressure (around 70/40) and much discoloration on his face and upper body. EMS brought him in after nurses at his nursing home found him on the floor with blood on the wall. The man would not talk about why he was there, but he talked a lot about other things, like sports or the news. We could not figure out what happened because there was no internal bleeding, his fluids were fine, and he had not left the nursing home.

We got him talking after four hours. He confessed he wanted to end his life. He took the rest of his prescribed nitroglycerin, which lowers blood pressure fast for chest pain. Nitro is also in dynamite, but the pill amount is small compared to dynamite. He tried blowing himself up by hitting the wall repeatedly. He was a nice guy who sent a card after everything; he was just very lonely.

From Redditor /u/glumapple:

I admitted a young, strapping guy for pneumonia. This was strange because he had no other medical problems, and the X-ray looked off. The pieces did not fit, so I started questioning him more closely.

Me: Do you use any drugs?
Patient: Drugs! That is disgusting. I am not an [addict]! I have never touched [them] in my life.

I asked other questions, and suddenly:

Patient: Look, doc, I might have used coke once or twice years ago. I just snorted it. That wouldn't cause this, right?
Me asked how long ago the event happened.
The patient answered, "Like ten years, maybe longer."
Me: It shouldn't affect you after this long.
The patient said, "More like five."
Me asked for the number of years.
The patient replied, "Uh, like five months ago."

He got off a massive crack binge the day before, staying in a hotel with 'loose women' and lighting up crack non-stop for three days. He ends with: 'But I don't want you to think I'm one of those dirty dr*ggies.'

You are the idiot who lied, getting treated for pneumonia instead of proper crack lung treatment.

Here is a tip: I do not care. I am not your momma, spouse, or priest. Do not waste my time and endanger your health with nonsense. I have seen worse twisted things than you think are shameful.

From Redditor /u/Cmonster194:

This is probably the weirdest case I heard: An old woman came to the ER with a high fever, abdominal pain, dizziness, etc. She showed signs of toxic shock syndrome, like leaving a tampon in too long. The doctor checked the woman to see if anything got stuck.

She looked up and half-sh*t her pants seeing two beady eyes staring back. The doctor pulled it out; the woman said, 'put it back!' Turns out, the woman, past menopause, consulted a bad witch doctor for pregnancy help. His advice: put a (now deceased) turtle up there for a few days to regain fertility.

From a deleted Redditor:

My mother, the family's medical professional, had a 13-year-old girl nine months pregnant. During labor, she dilated to 10cm and crowning. The girl swore until she was black and blue that she was a virgin and nobody knew what they were talking about. Her mother stood by, causing a commotion and demanding a real doctor show up. Ten minutes later, the twins arrived singing different songs.

From Redditor /u/NarcanForAll:

A 60-year-old woman came in after 'falling asleep and rolling on a pin cushion'. X-ray showed three 2-inch needles in her left shoulder. Later, she learned she tried self-acupuncture.

From Redditor /u/jimmyjett418:

The patient stated, "I fell on it."

Me: 'Really? You fell on a can of glade air freshener wrapped in a lubricated condom?'

That is the day 50 shades of glade was born...

From Redditor /u/quesadilla17:

I took the patient's history. He reluctantly admitted to two heart attacks in the last five years. I asked follow-up questions; he got huffy and defensive. He stated, "It's not a big deal! If I had known you were going to act like this I never would have told you!"

Redditor /u/Kaylinwriter14:

Not a doctor; she is an EMT.

A woman in active labor insisted she could not be pregnant. She said her last period was "like ten months ago," so she claimed she had gone through menopause.

She was 25.

Redditor /u/unicorncharley:

I worked in psych. We had a regular patient, paranoid with schizophrenia. He always complained about spider eggs in his brain. During admission, he claimed his butt hurt because he sent a rat up there for a message. No one believed him, but we checked. A rat tail hung out of his rectum. The patient worried about getting the message from the rat, who was deceased, and he was nonverbal.

Redditor /u/100-dollar bills.:

I avoid speaking poorly of patients. I think we all neglect our health sometimes on purpose, which looks like being "dumb."

The winner is Aristotle*. Aristotle is a 35-year-old corporate lawyer. Aristotle hasG6PD deficiency.He develops mild hemolysis when exposed to certain foods, like fava beans. Every year on his birthday, Aristotle goes to the fancy Greek restaurant and eatsGigandes plaki.He develops mild hemolysis, mild jaundice, and dark urine every year. He comes to see me, his gastroenterologist, urgently without an appointment the day after his birthday. He shops my clinic, yelling at the secretary and other patients to see him first. Every year, he repeats his high anxiety about his liver because he is mildly jaundiced and has dark urine. Every year, I tell him it comes from the gigandes plaki. Every year, he promises never to eat it again and follows his G6PD diet for the rest of the year.

Every year on his birthday, he forgets. The cycle repeats.

*Name changed.

Redditor /u/undertheraduh:

An older lady arrived at the ED barely conscious, brought in by her husband. In a thick Italian accent, she told the doctor she was "expiring." She had complained of tingling and a dry mouth before passing out.

The doctor sat the husband down and took a history. She had no serious medical problems and was very fit. She spent the morning cleaning her son's bar, as she often did on a Sunday morning.

The doctor took her symptoms seriously due to her age and started tests to find the cause of her ailments.

The son visited his mother. On the way, he passed his bar. He saw his mother had used some of the 'treats' made the night before.

The son, his parents' favorite, had to tell his father and the doctor the treats she ate were space cakes. She seemed to really like them; she ate many.

They had to tell the elderly lady she was fine. They also told her she was stoned.

She stayed high enough to grasp the joke.

The elderly lady thought she was expiring. Later, she learned she was just stoned.

From Redditor /u/MeadFromHell:

A regular doctor's receptionist, not a doctor or ER worker, came in asking to see a nurse. I asked about his problem; he took his hand out of his pocket. The missing end of his finger was in the other pocket. I spent 15 minutes convincing him to go to the accident and emergency room. He wanted to wait and see a nurse to reattach his finger!

From Redditor /u/xchelsaurus:

Nurse here: one patient had severe intestinal trauma. They had to stitch up his colon. He said he was fishing and his rectum fell perfectly onto a fishing pole.

The night must have been wild; he was 'fishing' naked.

From Redditor /u/plank24:

My dad is an ophthalmologist, an eye doctor. He told me one patient came in totally confused. He asked why the 'medicine in his glasses no longer worked.'

From Redditor /u/Shorttbus:

My favorite: 'Do you smoke?' 'No way!' 'Have you ever?' 'Yes, but I quit.' 'How long ago?' 'This morning.'

From Redditor /u/EyeFractUreMama:

A frantic mother brought her baby to the ER for a fever. She said she measured the temperature at home and it was '98.6!!!!'