Fat Jokes

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

She wore a yellow raincoat; people yelled, "Taxi!"

She took her pants to the dry cleaners. The lady said, "We don't do curtains."

Yo Mama is so fat. I took a picture of her last Christmas; it is still printing.

She has so many double chins. She looks like she stares at you over a pile of pancakes.

Bill stepped on the scale. It read, "To be continued." Bill was so fat.

Yo Mama is so fat. She put lipstick on with a paint-roller.

My friend, you are so fat. When the family takes their picture, you become the background.

She jumped in the water. Everyone ran out yelling, "Tsunami!"

Yo Mama is so fat. When she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all yelled, "Godzilla Godzilla!"

Your Mama is so fat. When she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

She was so fat sitting on the toilet. She said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."

She was so fat that your dad and she were in bed. They tried to kiss; he had to slap her belly and ride the third wave up!

She got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack.

People try to ride her when she goes to an amusement park.

A lifeguard approached her. He said, "Excuse me ma'am, could you please leave the beach?" The obese lady replied, "Why? What's wrong?" The lifeguard said, "It's getting pretty late, and the tide wants to come in!"

Two guys walked down different streets. They met at an intersection and looked at each other intently.

A fat man told another, "Seems like someone has been through a famine."
A skinny man replied, "Now I know who caused it."

The zoo animals feed her.

He is so fat when they applied for the biggest loser TV show.He is so fat when they applied for the biggest loser TV show.They said, "Sorry, there's a weight limit."

Bob saw a fat man with a cork in his ass in the locker room one day. Curious, he asked the fat man how it got there. The fat man said, "I was walking along the beach when I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke and this great magnificent guy in a turban came rolling out; he said, I am a genie."

He asked, "For releasing me, I can grant you one wish?" I said, "No s**t!"

If weight is a number, mine is unlisted.

The scales do not go up to your weight. You know the true meaning of plus-size. You cannot see your feet without sitting down.

A huge woman lies on the beach, getting a tan. Later, a lifeguard comes to her and says...
Lifeguard: Excuse me ma'am, but when do you plan to leave the beach?
Lady: Why? What's the matter?
Lifeguard: "Well, the thing is, it's pretty late in the evening and the tide wants to come in."

The difference between a skinny person and a fat person is this: the skinny person is very lean, and the fat person is very jealous.

A fat lady told Big Bertha, "I have had it with dieting... I lost two pounds last week, and nobody noticed."