Important Lessons From First Serious Relationship

This list covers important lessons from your first serious relationship, focusing on what love means beyond surface-level things.msmarveles:

Love is not just about fluffy things like kisses, hugs, and pretty words. If you do not feel understood, or if you refuse to stick together through tough times, it is just empty and shallow.

From Redditor /u/TheMediaSays:

Having shared interests does not replace a lack of shared values.

From Redditor /u/PatentPending17:

You cannot fix someone’s flaws or negative thoughts if they refuse to change on their own. You can try. But if you try your hardest, putting in 110%, and still make excuses for your partner’s bad attitude to everyone, leave.

From Redditor /u/Icicleinspring:

...nicedoes not always mean kindMy first boyfriend brought me flowers when he picked me up for dates. He got my mom some on our second date. He cooked for me on our fourth date at his house. He called and said nice things. He was open and vulnerable. He was an Eagle Scout. My grandparents loved him. Then he sexually assaulted me.

My second boyfriend was rough, sarcastic, and disliked most people. He was smart with a sharp sense of humor and had no patience for foolishness. He used 'f*ck' a lot. He did not believe in Jesus and did not bring flowers. He read a lot, played video games, and lived with his parents. My mother was not impressed. What did he do?

He gave me rides to and from work. He had long talks with me about things we both cared about for hours. He shared books and movie recommendations. He loved sharing his passions. He listened when I spoke and sought to know how I felt. He was patient with me even when I hid what was wrong. He made me feel important. He told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He broke his heart when I finally felt safe enough to tell him what happened, and he always respected my boundaries.we got married.

The first guy was nice. The second one is kind.

From Redditor /u/Back2Bach:

We split as close friends. We remain friends and always will be.

I learned that couples I know often end on sad or bitter terms, but it is possible.

From Redditor /u/daily-disturbance:

Recognizing emotional abuse is hard when you are in the middle of it. It is harder if your partner is not doing it on purpose; if they do not see it, how can you? Sometimes you need a break to get away so the seriousness sinks in.

From Redditor /u/turtlecupcake:

Do not stay with someone just to keep them happy or because you fear they cannot live without you. If they place that burden on you, it is pure manipulation.

From Redditor /u/sexrockandroll:

Loving someone a lot does not fix everything; ending the relationship is still the better choice. Love does not magically remove incompatibility.

From Redditor /u/razekery:

People change, you change. If it feels like it won't work, it won't. Do not feel guilty breaking up; your partner might feel the same but is afraid to speak.

Redditor /u/kingn8link:

If something bothers you at the start, it stays with you until the end. Talk early to avoid surprises.

We broke up because I finally addressed the issues and saw they were things I could not reasonably expect to change.

Redditor /u/cricketxbones:

Two things.

First, after an abusive relationship, healthy relationships feel dull and empty. They lack the intense highs and lows you got used to. You might want to go back.

Second, listen to your dad when he tells you not to return to a "poisoned relationship." He said it in a cheesy way, and he wears socks with sandals publicly. He recently asked you if Alaska is a state, but he is right about this. If a relationship fails the first time, you cannot stop those bad feelings from spilling into the second. It just extends the breakup and wastes more of your time.

Redditor /u/Kidgorgeoushere:

[Never] lose yourself in another person.

You might love them deeply. However, never compromise who you are or how you feel. Do not let your love for them become your whole life. Stay true to yourself. Keep parts of your life just for you, not all for them.

Redditor /u/ProfessorGigs:

Getting into a relationship just to be in one is the worst reason to date.

Likewise, liking someone because they like you is the worst reason to like them.

You want to date a person, not their company.

Redditor /u/fallleaves623:

I learned that a gut feeling has a reason. I almost married my last boyfriend. My gut told me it was wrong. He was sweet, loving, kind. Anyone's dream guy. But I was settling. Breaking up felt like the hardest thing I would do. I did it. It hurt us both.

Now we can both find true love. That gives me hope.

Redditor /u/Ranaex:

"Love makes you blind" is not just a saying.