Hilarious Tweets That Perfectly Sum Up Parenting

Before having a kid, ask yourself: "Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next four years?"

div data-oembed-url="https://twitter.com/BoRyan11/status/802345162542194688"> blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> p>[Tucking in my 4 year old]

Before having kids, I did not know destroying a house with a granola bar was possible.

My daughter threw a tantrum because I would not let her watch me poop if you are thinking about having a child.

My kid ran full force into the wall twice because he wanted to. I will start using his college fund to buy wine.

Sorry we are late. My daughter ate each Cheerio like it was a mini doughnut.

Having someone around who does not yet see I am deeply flawed is my favorite part of parenting.

div data-oembed-url="https://twitter.com/MummaCrazy/status/618417341542461441?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw"> blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> p>"And I'm going to live with you forever and ever"

div data-oembed-url="https://twitter.com/dshack8/status/620363770330611712?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw"> blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> p>Seventy percent of parenting involves melting cheese on things to make your kids eat it.

My daily workout is walking through the house fourteen times a day, turning off all the lights my kids left on in every room.

ME: Can I have a goodbye kiss?
3yo: 9 (leans in close)
3yo: (sneezes violently)
3yo: Bye.

My two-year-old said she is a grown-up. I told her she is not; she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown-up. I'm going to touch knives."

div data-oembed-url="https://twitter.com/mompsychologist/status/803034889285226496"> blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> p>4yo: I love you, Mommy. Thank you for everything.

M: Aw, that is so sweet of you to say!

Last night, my three-year-old had a physical fight with a dragon in his pop-up book.

My four-year-old son said the word prototype. I asked what it meant; he said "People are a prototype," and I was too scared to ask.

Me: "Santa is quite old, you know."
4yo: "How old is he? 26? 27?"

Mom: *tastefully decorates house*
Kid: HERE ARE 20 MILK CARTONS I TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE A SNOWMAN I EXPECT THIS TO BE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED

I overheard my husband telling my daughter, "You have to find just the right man." I walked into the room and saw they were building Lego cars.

My five-year-old learns 'see' and 'you,' and I find creepy notes like "I see you Mom." I am not impressed; Kindergarten.

Song the six-year-old just made up:
Spider-spider
Spider-spider
Does whatever a spider does
Can he swing
from a web?
Yes he can
He is a spider