People Share 'Normal' Things Parents Do That Hurt Kids

From Redditor u/syrupxsquad:

My mom complains I let my kid get dirty, and she gets dirt/sand in her hair. We live by a lake and in the mountains.

She gets dirty outside. A quick shower fixes it. She has 'outdoor' clothes she can ruin anyway. Why not enjoy the outdoors?

Can we let kids be kids?

From Redditor u/PinkZebraHoodie:

Constant teasing.

My dad and brother teased constantly. It wasn't mean, just constant. I try not to show emotion about things because of that.

Using things a parent did for you against you hurts. My kids did not ask to be here. I will not constantly show their faces and say, 'What I gave up.' It makes a kid feel bad.

From Redditor u/BassUnlikely6969:

It is not a rule, but…

Do not insult or compare your kids with others. Not all are the same. This hurts them more later.

From Redditor u/lolbeetlejuice:

Not setting or enforcing boundaries around your kid’s behavior.

These kids behave badly constantly. They miss out on years of early friendships and relationship skills. These skills lead to worse friends, insecurity, and poor impulse control later.

From Redditor u/Purple_Woodpecker652:

“Buck up, don’t cry.”

Dad of daughters. We had to attend two funerals, one last week.

I told them, “You will see people crying. You will be sad, and you will cry. It is okay. I’ll be crying, too.”

Forget that machismo stuff. Be human.

From Redditor u/DeliciousShelter9984:

Being dismissive of their children’s interests.

For example, tell your kid their favorite group is not “real music” or their favorite cartoon is annoying.

Every generation has trends or fads or media their parents missed. Break the cycle by tolerating anything not actively harmful or dangerous.

From Redditor u/MuppetusMaximusV2:

I remember my mom made my sister and me write in diaries.

One day, she asked if we wanted a diary. We both said no. Still, she bought us notebooks and pens. “You really should keep a diary.” Every day, she asked if we wrote in it.

We both felt something was wrong with how hard she pushed. Even at 12 and 15, I did not agree, but my sister wrote a few entries skeptically.

Then, what happened, happened. My mom asked my sister about something she only knew from reading her diary.
Years later, when we brought it up, Mom had no memory of it.

From Redditor u/Stmpnksarwall:

I have one, but be warned. I am a special education teacher for 21 years. I took classes on how developmental and environmental factors hurt brain and behavior. When I started teaching, I got tons of criticism and advice on parenting better.

Five years into my career, I had my first child. I knew then I had all the textbook knowledge to be the best parent. Parenting, like teaching, has more on-the-job training than any book covers. I now have three kids and judge other families much less than I did at 23.

I consider myself lucky for my education and the research I read. The most common mistake I see that needs fixing is this:

- Do not jump straight to punishment. Teach a different behavior instead.

If you do not teach a child what you want them to do, you will not see a change in behavior. Jumping directly to punishment, especially physical punishment, makes kids lie and hide misbehavior. This increases the rate of relapse.

Discipline takes longer than punishment, but it creates more mature, compassionate, and confident adults. Punishment seeks satisfaction and revenge from the adult. Discipline teaches by using logical consequences and changing behavior.

My other point is:

- Be ready to change how you parent.

Many people quickly say, "I was raised that way, and it's fine." Are you? Admit personal fault or ignorance and try to improve. Your children are real people! They deserve that much.

From Redditor u/agrapeana:

My mom gave me the silent treatment for over a month because we were "hanging out so much lately" with my in-laws. She said it wasn't fair we spent so much time with them.

The in-laws made frequent trips to our city because my FIL's mother was in hospice where we were.

My mom told me to stand firm and stop letting my husband's family visit while his grandmother was dying. This was to be fairer to her.

We stopped talking.

From Redditor u/noleter:

Forcing physical affection like hugs or kisses teaches kids their boundaries do not matter. Constantly defaulting to screens instead of talking reinforces emotional distance.

Snooping through their things violates privacy. This erodes trust in ways that last for years.

Many "normal" parenting habits prioritize convenience or control over a child's feelings. This is wild.

Kids recall which adults made them feel respected or ignored.

From Redditor u/BubbleGumBart:

The clean plate club means forcing your child to finish every bite on their plate, no matter what. This is forcing them to eat even when sick or full.

This method teaches kids the wrong way to get proper food portions. It teaches them to force eating, which often leads them—and future family members—to become morbidly obese.

Some people worry about wasting food. If that is the issue, teach your kid to eat less. Tell them to ask for more if they are still hungry after finishing. I would rather throw food away than abuse a child. Forcing kids to hurt themselves by overeating is abuse.

Parents picking food portions for kids, especially adult-sized ones, causes big problems. Kids must be free to stop eating when full, regardless of who puts the food on the plate.

Many mentioned saving uneaten food as leftovers. I agree that is a good idea. Saving it for later works. Expecting a full kid to finish it all in one sitting does not.

From Redditor u/123coryp:

My parents, especially my mom, believed not to hype me up or give me a false sense of skill if I lacked it.

They did not hang up my artwork. They did not criticize my stories. They told me I was bad at singing. They thought this gave me a real view of the world.

Because of that, I never tried art. I do not write even though I love it. I do not sing or dance. I just do not try things because I doubt I am good at them.

Fuck that. Parents should be kids' biggest hype people!

From Redditor u/wasd911:

When I grew up, the message was “kids should be seen and not heard.”

A kid who only talks to other kids stays immature longer. Only children tend to be more mature. But why would parents have kids just to ignore them?!

From Redditor u/NullRazor:

Constantly asking kids about boyfriends or girlfriends, especially in preschool and grade school. Why do they do this?

How old should kids start feeling bad about romantic relationships?

It is just too weird.

From Redditor u/avocado-v2:

It is not a strict rule. But parents who put their children in front of an iPad outside are lazy and emotionally harm their kids.

Kids naturally want to watch their iPads all the time.

They are children. They cannot regulate themselves, but they want human connection, especially from family.

If you have a bad relationship with your child after 20 years, consider how you put them in front of an iPad to calm them instead of calming and entertaining them yourself.

From Redditor u/MediumBullfrog8688:

If your parents work and you are an older sibling, you become an automatic babysitter. You must sacrifice your childhood for the family.

This teaches both older and younger kids their needs do not matter. Lots of resentment builds.

From Redditor u/SummerGirl6735:

Use tough love. Otherwise, you are coddling them.

As a therapist, I see the huge effect a parent's lack of empathy in small moments has over a lifetime.

Redditor u/SudoPuff:

Posting photos of your kids feels abusive, especially when the content is embarrassing or shows discipline.

People on my friend's list post kid photos with captions like, “X cheated on a test, so now we’re doing extra chores, with a picture of the kid cleaning,” or they film and post when a kid has a tantrum or meltdown.

That feels needlessly cruel. The kid will become an adult, and the internet stays forever. They will grow up with embarrassing photos, videos, and posts they never agreed to, which could harm their social life later.

I think putting kids online is wrong because data privacy is not a thing in most places. Still, seeing people punish their kids online like that is gross.

Redditor u/KoshiaCaron:

This advice is important to keep handy; it loses power if you use it too much.

Sometimes, immediate safety requires you to give a direct order and have a kid listen. Say, “Get in the car!” or “Get in the house!” or “Don't come down here!”

If you, as a parent, mentor, or teacher, always use that tone, kids get overloaded and stop taking you seriously.

The parent who listens, explains, and validates is different. That parent responds with, “I understand you don't like this choice, but this is the choice we're making,” instead of, “Because I said so”...

When a parent panics and gives an order, kids know it is serious and listen right away when seconds count.

Redditor u/Alphaghetti71:

Respect your elders.

No. Adults are not always right. They are not always trustworthy. They do not always know best. They certainly are not always worthy of respect.

I made sure my kids understood that questioning authority is okay. I encouraged them to question us as parents. My school-aged children challenged my views, making me change my mind several times.