Tweets That Nail Having a Roommate

Looking for a roommate. We split rent fifty-fifty, utilities fifty-fifty, cable fifty-fifty, and groceries fifty-fifty. Ideally, you live elsewhere.

I absolutely need this.#RoommateProbs pic.twitter.com/RMFMfIIYLO

The roommate cleaned our whole dorm room after he blacked out. The next morning, he thanked me for the work.#MyRoommateIsWeird

My roommate asked how boiling water must be before cooking. I told her, "Seven."

@jimmyfallonMy roommate giggles in her sleep, then says, "That's not funny..."#MyRoommateIsWeird

My roommate left just enough water in the Brita pitcher to make me want to throw a banana at her head.

I told my roommate I am moving next month. He immediately decided we should have shots to celebrate, and now he is drunk. This is why I am moving.

I am happy my roommate is having loud sex right now. I can almost feel it with every large bite of burrito I put in my mouth.

I felt bold. I walked naked to the bathroom. My roommate and his friends got home and are in the living room. I am stuck naked in the bathroom.

div data-oembed-url="">blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">Me: Coming out for my birthday tonight?

Roommate: Let me put on a nicer shirt.

I just saw my roommate smile for the first time ever.#relationshipbuilding #progress

Me to my roommate.pic.twitter.com/3fJ2KPAzu7

When your roommate goes grocery shopping while you are at work.pic.twitter.com/PtOpwVVmL6

@jimmyfallonI entered the house to see my roommate rolling up the carpet, saying, "We won't get our deposit back."#MyRoommateIsWeird

I wish someone loved me as much as my roommate loves annoying me.

What my sink looks like at the end of the week.pic.twitter.com/InhImUoEM0

I watched my roommate check the mail and then take his letters back to the house.

You do not know awkward until your roommate is in bed reading the bible while you prepare to go out with alcohol in both hands.

"Nothing crosses the line quite like when your roommate eats your Girl Scout cookies behind your back." UC Boulderpic.twitter.com/UnqrteuU2q

You and your roommate unclogged the sink, which had been clogged for four months, using boiling water and dish soap.pic.twitter.com/Nwyc1ulzMH

Your roommate's boyfriend stays with her, they get wine for Valentine's Day, and you just stay in your room like :-)

When your roommate goes home for the weekend.#glory pic.twitter.com/CSkRBQTk8P

Your roommate has a party while you try to finish this term paper.pic.twitter.com/ZIqsJLwtQ9

Your roommate drinks all your booze.pic.twitter.com/GuKptU0ykZ

Your roommate finally unfollows you on social media. God is good.

"My roommate got so drunk she peed on my floor then threw her microwave across the dorm room." - ACC

Your roommate has a friend over and that friend starts vaping in your room.pic.twitter.com/eGkVFBwnP4

ME: Who ate my peanut butter.
MY ROOMMATE KANYE WEST: I was hungry, bro.
ME: Not cool.
MY ROOMMATE KANYE WEST: Also, can I borrow $53 million?

Your roommate walks in on you jamming out.pic.twitter.com/dyWVXrLW6h

Your roommate walks in when you are not supposed to play music in the room.pic.twitter.com/EnrR65opsl

College roommates return to the dorm at 2 am during the week, drunkenly yelling and whispering antisemitic comments.