Funny Wedding Jokes

An old woman at a party approached a belligerent old man. She told him, "If you were my husband, I would poison your drink!" He responded, "If you were my wife, I would drink it!"

A couple went to dinner for their 50th anniversary. On the drive home, she saw a tear in his eye. She asked if he felt sentimental about fifty years together. He said, "No. I thought about before we married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun. He said he would jail me for fifty years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow, I would have been free!"

A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" The mom answered, "Because they are happy, dear." Midway through the wedding, the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they are happy, then why do men wear black?"

The genie offers whatever the man wants, provided his mother-in-law gets double. The man considers. He then states, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

I do not hate your relatives. I actually like your mother-in-law more than my own.

Single women return home, check the fridge, and sleep. Married women return home, check the bed, and go to the fridge!

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replies, "I don't know, son. I am still paying for it."

A woman told her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." The friend asked, "What was he like before you married him?" The woman answered, "A multi-millionaire."

A husband came out of the bathroom naked and climbed into bed. His wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

It means you have a good joke, or a good wife.

Before marriage, a man thinks all night about something you say. After marriage, he falls asleep before you finish.

Ceremonies become short. Honeymoons become long.

Everyone sits on the same side of the church.

Do not argue with your spouse who is packing your parachute.

Out-laws are wanted!

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk over them for the rest of your life.

An angry wife met her husband at the door. Alcohol smelled on his breath; lipstick stained his cheek. She snarled, "I assume there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six in the morning?"

A marriage is a war where enemies can sleep together.

The secret to a happy marriage stays secret.

A very expensive way to finish your laundry for free.

I am searching for a loophole.

They start hard, give bad smells, and fail half the time!

Husband: "It means Without Information, Fighting Everytime."

Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!

You must understand him a lot and love him a little.