Why Americans Hate Coldplay

Coldplay feels basic, like Urban Outfitters, pumpkin spice lattes, and a $60 plain black t-shirt from American Apparel. If your emotions fit song lyrics like "The Scientist," you might be basic; you can choose to embrace that, or not."The Scientist,"Then you might be basic—you can choose to embrace that, or not.

Coldplay talks themselves up to people who don't care if they are great. Take this track-by-track walk through.Walk through the track-by-track.ofViva La VidaThis album has two claims to fame: being better than XY and being helmed by Brian Eno.XYBrian Eno helms it. Chris Martin says, "[Viva La Vida] This song is a favorite because no one does anything new on it. They play the same key they always use, singing simple school lyrics.

What gets us pumped? Super duper rock 'n' roll lyrics like:

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Listen to the lyrics for "Viva La Vida." They sound like Chris Martin's high school English teacher asked him to write a poem about the Olympics.teacherasked him to write a poem about the Olympics.

Chris Martin does not want to be more than Thom Yorke; he is only about 15 years behind the Radiohead frontman.behind the Radiohead frontmanMartin tries (and fails) to make weird glitchy music like Thom Yorke. He also tried the weird dancing Yorke does (evidence below):

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A band that wants you to like them that much tries anything to get you to buy an album.

Here is the Coldplay thirsty checklist:
1.Hang out with Jay-Z and Beyonce?Check!
2. Release an album full of dance music at the height of EDM?Check!
3.Admit toripping off better bandsto beat their detractors to the punch? Check!

This is arguably true, but it is also upsetting. If Coldplay needs to write bad poetry over three guitar chords to get famous, then Gary, who sits behind you in Psychology 101, will probably be the next Lenny Kravitz., but it's also super upsetting. If all Coldplay has to get famous by writing bad poetry over three guitar chords, then Gary in Psychology 101 will likely be the next Lenny Kravitz.

Putting an equals sign on your hand sparks conversations aboutunfair tradingPutting an equals sign on your hand to spark conversations about unfair trading does not mean you solved the problem of companies excluding the lower class from trade negotiations.

Chris Martin seems jealous of what Bon Iver and Kanye are doing and tried to prove he could hang out with a famous rapper. Watching Chris Martin try to look cool while Jay-Z raps "Run This Town" is very embarrassing.

Coldplay uses the Baltimore weirdos' style all through Mylo XylotoMylo XylotoThe group uses heavy found sounds, avant-garde instruments, staccato beats, and twisting, nonsensical lyrics.

The guys in Coldplay are very good friends with Jay-Z and Beyonce. Nothing changes that. Still, it is mind-boggling what they do with Queen Bey: turn her intoa glorified back-up singerThis is 'Coldplay Wasted Beyonce' in the list 'Why Americans Hate Coldplay'.

Nothing is more American than half time at theSuper Bowl.. That performance segment sits between two halves of the most American thing since Bruce Springsteen. Other best half times featured Prince, Beyonce, and Katy Perry. So why is ColdplayThey played at half time.You could have booked an American band like The Hold Steady or The Foo Fighters to entertain.