30 Worst Things to Hear When You're Single

Hearing you will "eventually" find the right one feels more depressing than being single. Reaching that end goal seems like a long, painful trip.

Being single does not mean I hate myself. It means I love myself too much to settle.

I am attractive, funny, and great. I don't know why I remain single. Maybe I should call my exes and ask. You'll be the first to know!

I am not choosing a phone cover. I am choosing a person I could spend my life with. Being selective is not bad here. Sorry.

My expectations have dropped low. I haven't expected anything for a while. It must be a matter of minutes...

What? Where else have I put myself? I have not been hiding!

Asking a single person if they get lonely is like asking a homeless person if they get hungry. The answer is a clear "YES!". It is rude, inappropriate, and makes you look like a jerk.

None of them seem to take the bait. Just keep swimming.

How haven't you seen that question is a backhanded compliment? I do not know how I haven't met anyone. But it is not fair to make finding someone to commit to sound easy.

Oh, so I can't come? Because I am not dating anyone? That is fine. I was sick of being the fifth wheel anyway. I will remember your allergies to single people next time I plan something!

I know that. But "plenty of time" cannot cuddle with me. I get older every day.

No, I do not. But that does not mean I do not want someone.

No. But I appreciate these daily reminders that I am, and probably will be, alone forever.

I once had a goldfish named Buster. What? What is wrong? I thought we shared life details. No?

We do not "need" to do anything. I handle my personal life alone, thank you. But seriously, are they good looking?

Yes. Thanks. You too. Have fun tonight eating the three pounds of chocolate your soulmate surprised you with and Instagramming the rose petals he laid out. I will be fine. I will stay with my Netflix and takeout.

Yes. You might be right if the "wrong places" you mean is planet Earth. Maybe I should check under rocks and behind bushes.

Unfortunately, yes. If swiping left on Tinder is "online dating." Then yes, I tried it and failed miserably.

No. Zip. Zero. Nada. Thanks for the friendly reminder, though!

People have reasons for a breakup. Those reasons are not my business. Discussing why my last relationship failed causes more frustration than admitting I am single.

Right. That makes sense. Only people in relationships know how to empathize. Got it.

No. I fear committing to the wrong person. That is why I remain single, unless that situation already happened.

No, I do not want commitment. But I enjoy meeting someone fun. I want someone who does not feel like a burden.

Yes. I am glad I have not found a healthy, committed relationship yet.

Yep. Just me tonight. I thank you for asking so loudly that everyone nearby heard and looked to see who the single person was. Just me, everyone. Go back to what you were doing. I am fine, I promise.

Nope. This is just a friend I had to beg to come to this event with me so people would not think I was a pathetic loser showing up alone.

Whether I want kids or not does not involve you. If I decide to have children, I will need a second person. We will take things one step at a time.

Great. Being at this crowded dive bar is painful enough. Now I must act happy while meeting my ex's new partner. Yay!

Does my great personality count as a "plus one?" No? Then I will go alone.

Yes, of course. I will enjoy dealing with your bridezilla self for half this year. It will show me how crazy love can make people.